a truly universal remote


1. the "on" button
The simplest button, the one everyone presses before the fun begins. The on button simply turns the target on. Depending on your settings this can be as abrupt as a 0-100 erection or slow and subtle like a dimmer switch. If you've ever wanted to inflict arousal on someone or just want to see them in the mood, start here.
2. fast forward
Uh-huh, yeah, we've seen this before, skip this bit.
3. pause
Is everything going too fast? Are there too many pesky people that may see you? Go ahead and hit that pause button. Everything around you will stop, letting you do whatever you like to them. How the main subject experiences this seems to differ... some are unaffected, allowing for no-consequence public sex. Others are frozen but feel everything happening to them. A rare subset don't feel anything until "play" is selected again where they feel everything all at once.
4. volume control
Is your partner getting too loud? Go ahead and slam the volume settings down so no one hears those cries of pleasure (or pain?). Or, if your partner is embarrassed about the sounds they make, why not heighten that sensation by making even the smallest squeak something loud and proud?
5. "input"
6. change the channel